Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones



about this blog
This blog was opened by haniza to accomodate my mindless musings and daily rantings.
Do enjoy your stay here, and don't take what's not yours!

tagboard



affiliates
Fun?
These past few days were quite fun. Even though today was teacher's day, I did not go to school. LOLs. Just don't feel like it and well, I was fasting. But I came out at 4 plus to go to Leslie's house and play mahjong. =)

Well, I definitely saw a very different side of one my friend. I seriously did not expect him to be like that. It's pretty cool and well, very welcoming. =) I'm glad he was like that. Previously, he was so shy and now, after we had gone out of school, he became more open.

Which is good. =)

We had loads of discussion about a lot of things these past few days. I never knew some people viewed me that way, and it felt kinda sad to know people see you in the light or manner.

But hey, its not offending everyone, so I'll just tone down that portion. Hahahas.

Hmmm, I don't know why but I feel that I have different sides when I face different groups of people. The nagging side will come out when I go out with yt, of course. I have fun and discuss about life with my guides friends.

With my classmates (bowen), I just talk trash with them. We do not really have close relations, (until recently), so I do not have that heart to heart talk to them. They are like my gossip zone.

But of course I cannot forget my internet buddies. I know 4 of them currently. All of us connected when we write and read stories online on winglin. (That website is so history)

But even after that, some of us really toned down on the writing and reading online but we still talk to each other everyday.

I do not even talk to my other friends everyday but I talk to them without fail. Sorry for disappointing some of my friends. But, these are the friends that knows how to have fun, bitch about other people, have intelligent discussion, lame ones and give their honest opinions towards matters.

I do not open up to them about any relationship thingin'. I do that kind of thing with my best friend, Jasmine. =) But we don't talk that often anymore because, I do not have any relationship to talk about. -.- Sad-ed.

But my online friends are fantastic! We share the same interest and they can really influence me. Weird thing is, we come from different walks of life. I'm the baby of the group. Youngest of all! But I think I'm quite matured for my age. -scratches head-

Anyway, I really treasure all my friends. But I feel sad sometimes. (And I do not want the shit about you guys coming to me for dinner after seeing this post. -.-)

Why do I feel sad? Because when I'm in my new school, I have no one. As the years go by, since I was Sec 1, I've become more reserved and not so friendly anymore. I find it hard to talk to someone I do not know. I've been too comfortable in my comfort zone.

Because of this, I do not get close friends in my school. I have no one, really. I do have some but we do not hang out after school, most of us just head home.

We just use each other to get by the days in school more easily. I feel sad for myself. How did I ever turn out this way? Lonely, deserted and sick. LOLs.

I use to be very excited if I were to go out with my friends from all the clicks. But, they are always busy. When I ask them out, not all of them are free. Some times, I feel so sick of asking that I don't bother anymore.

I got sick of asking, I got sick of being free all the time. So, I turn in to bed everyday with other thoughts. I became more independant; I turned to my computer. My friends through a network. I turn to reading books, manga, playing games.

Isn't that sad? I felt as if I had so much friends last time and I feel as if I'm left with nothing now.

I know I have friends, I know. Even my friends will say that they are always there. I know. I know I can turn to them, rely on them. I know.

But, its not the matter of knowing they will be there for you, its the emptiness of something. I do not know what. But, there's this hole in this whole jigsaw that I cannot seem to figure out.

So when I hang out with other people other than my really close friends, I hang out a lot. I change, because I grew more comfortable in another friendship. A friendship where I can say anything and they couldn't care less. Or they share the same opinions.

I go back to my older friends, my so call 'really close friends', I talk differently, my opinions differ; Is that really my fault? I don't know. I really don't.

Maybe it is. Maybe its because I change too often, have too many sides to myself.

So, what's the conclusion? Act differently to every single click of friends.

Isn't that better? Woah, I have like loads of personalities then.

I can act like a total bitch with this group, I can tell my honest opinions with this another group, and I become more filtered with this another group.

Because I have to think of what's the right words. Isn't that tiring? Yes, it is. It's so tiring and stupid.

When I get slightly irritated or offended with someone, I do not tell them at that moment. Because I know if I do, I'll say terrible things. I can get out of hand with my words. So I wait, until I'm cooled down and say my opinions at a later time or day when I'm more comfortable. But sometimes, I don't bother at all.

I don't know but sometimes this 'don't bother' attitude pisses people off. Sometimes I laugh bitterly inside my heart because I'll think, 'why do you care'.

Probably they will go into a fit of lecture about 'How can you do this. I'm your friend, of course I care, bla bla bla'.

It's really funny; Sometimes don't you get this terrible urge to just laugh at the most importune times? I do. I get that quite often. When people are sad/crying or angry, I really feel like laughing.

I find it pretty amusing.

Don't know why. I must have some disease or something. I cannot possibly control my emotions all the time.

Oh you know, when people say you've got no life. Sometimes it gets very irritating for me; (I get that a lot). Sometimes I just want to shout at their face saying 'I've got no life. So what? Does it bother you? At least I'm happy!'

I am. I'm contented with this no-life life. Ironic huh?

Then isn't no-life classified as a type of life already, isn't it? The ironic of it all.

Indeed, I'm just venting. I think, as humans, we vent and rant a lot. Some of the time we don't mean what we say. But, most of the time, we don't get any answer out of all these. So, why do we do this for? If we don't any good out of it.

Well, we do. Because some part of us is let out. And well, we feel better. Like I do already. So, I shall thank my blog for being there. For letting me vent my frustration as a human being. Thank you blog. I really appreciate your miraculous existence.
Posted on: Saturday, August 30, 2008
Posted at: 1:18 AM